Alright, it’s time to come clean.

The character I understudied in Cubicles, Shana, was how shall I say? Bold in her sexuality. She meets an older guy, Hugh, at her new job and after some playful flirting and a shared traumatic experience, she proceeds to sleep with him.

In the play, this was suggested in the following way…

*Shana grabs Hugh and kisses him madly.
*She then re-positions him on the desk and kisses him more.
*She then shoves him against the wall implying they’ve moved to his apartment.
*She begins to unbuckle his pants.
*He then turns her and lifts her against the wall, her legs wrapped around him and after a few (ok, five, to be exact) thrusts and some moaning, the lights go out.
*Next thing you see is Shana lighting a cigarette in the dark and the light come back up on a post-sex scene.

When I first saw this scene unfold, as the understudy watching from the back row, I giggled uncomfortably. I was nervous. I thought to myself…(all in 2 seconds)

Wow, they’re really kissing. That’s bold. Do I have to do that too? I’ve never made-out on stage before. Quick little pecks, yes, but not [URL=http://www.theromantic.com/kissing/frenchkiss.htm]french kissing[/url]! Is that what they’re doing? I didn’t think actors really did that. But this is quite the scene, so maybe they’re going for it. Ok, well…whatever, it’s fine. It’ll be fine. It’s just acting. And I like kissing, so…it’s fine.

I saw the scene twice before I had to rehearse and both times, it looked like they were really, really kissing. So, my night for rehearsal comes and we get to this moment and I just took a deep breath and went for it. I [URL=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Making_out]made out[/url] with Carlos (the actor)…

But is was really Hugh and not Carlos and we’re both adults here and it’s no big deal. It’s just acting. I’m not me, it’s Shana.

So the big weekend of performances comes and I’m excited and the first night was fine, make-out scene is fine, feels good to be back on stage, etc. Second night goes even better and it still feels good to be back on stage. Then, the third night comes and the audience is full and the play is going so well ~ it’s the best one yet. At intermission, the cast and I are sitting backstage and, as actors do, we are discussing love and relationships and sex and kissing. And I can’t really remember why or how it came up, but I hear Carlos say…

‘Well, Ali is the one who stuck her tongue in my mouth.”

I was mortified and turned red. I panicked and insisted…”Nuh, uh, you did…!”, knowing that wasn’t really true. I don’t think.

And then another cast member says, “Carlos you did not stick your tongue in her mouth!”

I sat there, re-curling my hair, staring in the mirror, no longer listening to the conversation, which has shifted to another topic, thank god! I was so embarrassed. Here I was, all scared and innocently thinking that I was being so bold and not letting this make-out scene freak me out and it turns out the other actress obviously didn’t use tongue. Shit!

So, in the wings before our Act II entrances, I go to Carlos in the dark and I whisper, “Carlos, I am so sorry. I totally thought you guys were french kissing. I won’t do it again. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know and I’m so embarrassed.”

He says to me that he was just teasing me and that it didn’t matter, and he thinks it works for the characters, and he actually told the other actress that they should too, but she said no (she’s got a boyfriend, so??). He said it was fine.

So that night, too, we french kissed on stage ~ and did I notice it was a little more emphatic that evening?

Anyway, later that night, after all was said and done, I woke up in the middle of the night mortified. I was awake for about 45 minute fretting over the fact that I had just assumed I should french kiss. What an idiot.

I finally let it go and moved on until I was watching E News! today. They did a spotlight on some new Lindsey Lohan movie where she kisses a guy who takes her good luck away. They interviewed the leading actor and were, of course, grilling him about the kissing scene. How many takes? What it fun? Was it awkward?, etc. And then they asked him if they used tongue…and he said:

“Well, I wasn’t sure what to do, but then I learned that it isn’t kosher to use tongue.”

I immediately gasped and turned the tv off. And I freaked out all over again. So, now I know. I will never, ever, french kiss on stage again!

(I have to admit, though, that it was kind of fun ~ shh, don’t tell).