Fishing for some answers that is…
After many tears and long conversations with my two best friends (Mom and Dad, awwww), I finally got up the courage to quit one of my jobs. It was a struggle, though.
I felt an obligation to the spa. they need me and what are they gonna do if i quit Finally I gave up the struggle and, goddammit, I put myself first! I decided to quit. That was the first step. Then came the actual act of quitting. I built up all this fear and anxiety about letting them down or making them mad, so much so that I was paralyzed. I would decide to quit everyday and not do it.
Finally last Friday I woke up, having to be at work at 8am after working the whole day before until 10:30pm, looked at my tired face in the mirror and made a pact with myself that I was not allowed to leave the Spa without giving my two weeks notice…
I worked my shift, with my notice letter stuffed in my back pocket, and when I had clocked out for the day I was waiting around the office for the owner to have a free moment. He didn’t come and he didn’t come and finally I freaked myself out so much that I started to get hysterical inside. I sat outside in my car sobbing, knowing I couldn’t go another day without quitting but scared to say the words out loud. Finally I saw my boss walking toward the back of the spa so I jumped out of my car and followed him into the office, trying to stay composed. I told him I needed to talk to him and I closed the door. Well, in true fashion, tears started falling down my cheeks; before I even said anything! I finally spit out that I was so sorry, but I had to give him my two weeks notice, blah, blah, blah. He looked at me, a litttle surprised at my usually calm, collected, professional self (little does he know,right?) standing there sobbing, and said “Ali, it’s just a job…”
And that was that. I built up all this fear, put myself through the wringer, and it turned out to be very easy. He offered for me to stay on with a very limted number of hours per week and I said I would think about it…
This is a pattern for me. I punish myself ridiculously for wanting to put my needs ahead of others before I can actually put myself ahead of others. But if I don’t take care of myself, who will?? I know, I know.
What is it that causes me to have this overwhelming need to please others?? To always be the “good girl”? To give, give, give??? And what’s it gonna take before I can proudly and unapologetically ask for and take what I need? I’m still fishing for the answers…
well, first let me say congratulations on doing something that was very hard for you to do. YOU DID IT!! that’s awesome.
secondly, you do NOT have the power to make other people happy. you may think you do, but, you don’t. it’s a lie….and a disctraction. let it go. the only person you have the ability to make happy is, you guessed it, yourself.
you don’t know how to listen to the voice inside of you that knows what you need to do….and you have to practice listening to it. quitting that job is the first step.
you’re going to be just fine, ali….in fact, you already are.
love, m
Quitting a job is hard.
I used to have to make it all so terrible (for me and everyone) that we’d all breathe a deep sigh of relief when i gave my notice. Either that or get myself so puffed up with outrage that i would walk in, announce my intentions and then add “and today is my last day!”
bad news.
When I left Ruby’s i was sad to go, and the owner (Ruby himself) said “You’re a good man, and if you ever need a job, come find me.”
First, last, and only time that’s ever happened.
Congratulations on putting yourself first.
Congratulations on quitting a job!
: )
i’m exactly that way about quitting a job or “letting people down”. even though people say, “it’s just business,” we’re humans so it just plain feels personal. i’m proud of you for making the right decision for you.
also, i love the new site design. looks like it’s still in progress, but so far so beautiful.
Oooh, that whole “business is business” thing drives me nuts.
It’s usually said by people who are either explaining how they canmm sleep at night after ripping me off, or are about to rip me off.
a lame excuse.