I’ve got the Obama crazies. Today, I copied my friend Rie and bought this t-shirt:
I have been back in acting class since January and it’s been going well, but with all of my travel, sometimes it’s hard not to get a little sidetracked.
Last night’s class, though, felt really good and I came home very happy. I remembered why I loved acting and spent so many years of my life exploring it.
It is the most beautiful experience to start falling back in love with this dear old friend of mine.
Uh oh. Do I see new headshots in my future? I’m not sure…but joining a small theatre company again, hopefully. And I hope it’s going to be this one, where so many of my amazing classmates are members. I feel rather inspired today. This is so refreshing!
Well, since I am still too cheap to buy a new camera I don’t have a any pretty pictures to post of my weekend adventures. (I know, it’s silly, because I know I will use it a lot, but it’s a “big” purchase which means I will visit the store about 3 times before I actually put down the credit card. I’ve been two times now, so…)
But it was a solid weekend.
Saturday I rested. Like, a lot. Went over to R’s for breakfast and then fell asleep on the couch for awhile while he set up his new wireless printer. Then I went to see R’s hair girl for a much needed haircut. And I have never before had a better haircut! (see, right now would be the perfect time for a picture. wouldn’t it?). I love my hair. And I don’t say that very often. I mean I’ve been satisfied with my hair before, but right now I. Love. My. Hair. She didn’t even ask me what I wanted, she just ran her fingers through my hair, said it would be fun and then worked her wonder. Yeehaw – I have a style! Who knew that all I had to do was go see my boyfriend’s hair stylist? Go figure.
Then last night R and I watch another couple of episodes of Lost, the first season. No – neither of us ever got into it, but now we are and we’re watching it for free on abc.com! I love it, he likes it enough…(I think he likes it more than he’d admit)
Then today, I had an audition. (Yes). I auditioned for Miranda in The Tempest opposite Olympia Dukakis’ Prospera. Yes, Propera with an A. She is very nice and fun to audition with. She coached me while she was acting with me – it was awesome! Fingers crossed, but certainly no expectations…
And then, the best part of the day was having lunch with my friends Mila, from New York, and Amanda, just up from The OC. When we get together it’s like no time has passed. I heart them so much and wish Mila lived closer and Amanda and I saw each other more.
And that is my fabulous weekend in words instead of pictures. Ok, fine, I’ll make that 3rd trip to the store and get a camera, ok!?
I’ve gotten away from myself over the last year and I’ve decided that this new year will be about reconnecting to things I feel I’ve lost.
To start, I’ve resolved to get dressed in the morning. Ok, so what I really mean is that I am no longer going to work wearing my sweats. (See I have that luxury working in fitness). No, now I am getting up a little earlier and trying to remind myself that putting an outfit together can be a form of self expression. So, in short, I am trying to get my style back. I may even try to do my hair from time to time.
I used to take a yoga class from time to time and so I went to one of those last week and my shoulder muscles were uber-sore afterward. But I loved the quiet of the room only interrupted by a soothing male voice offering thoughtful ideas ad helpful adjustments. And the mixed-gender practice was a welcome change from my women-only movement sanctuary. I will be going back this Saturday. I think of it as cross-training. And I am seriously considering pursuing yoga certification later this year.
Another thing that I have gotten away from is acting. Acting was such a big part of me and I am thankful to have stepped away from it for a couple of years because I feel that I am now ready to embrace it again as something I want to do instead of something I must do.
So, in keeping with my 2007 resolutions (ah well), I stepped foot into an acting class last night. It only took me a year. And I was ready. I sat in a room of stranger actors for 3.5 hours and I was happy to be there watching the actor process and feeling my love of acting begin to resurface after a long hibernation.
It’s amazing how easy it is to get away from oneself. And how difficult it is to get back to oneself. I find I am questioning everything at the moment. I actually feel relatively present and awake, but what this means is that I am feeling much more of the pain and frustration of my current existence. And how fabulous!
I do not want to be numb. I want to feel everything fully and with vigor. I do not want to get stuck. I want to explore life and constantly be learning and challenged by new things. I do not want to get lost in routine and stress. I want to find me again.
So my theme for 2008 is: Back To Mine
Coming back to the creative process of being an actor after stuffing it under the couch pillows for 2 years has been scary. All the old actor baggage and artist neurosis came back and suddenly the one audition I’ve had in, gosh, maybe 2 years, is of paramount significance.
So this weekend I started working on my audition for Speed-The-Plow, a play by [URL=http://www.imagi-nation.com/moonstruck/clsc31.html]David Mamet[/url], which they are doing at [URL=http://www.act-sf.org/]A.C.T.[/url], my alma mater.
I was so surprised when I got an email from the casting director titled “Trying to reach you for an audition”. What!? Really? I thought it was spam….seriously. But I won’t go into why I thought that, ’cause it’s just my silly-neurotic-actor-brain again.
Anyway, so I accepted the audition last week. I printed the script on Thursday. I read the play on Saturday (and finished it Sunday). I was doing all the necessary things to prepare except actually rehearsing it. I even took the scenes to work and enlarged the text for ease of reading. (Mamet’s text is athletic and difficult, like Shakespeare, only not at all. So I thought if it was bigger then it would be easier to see and therefore make it easier for me to be ‘good’. Ha.)
Back to the point. Finally, Sunday afternoon R came over and we read through it. We read through it twice and then we left it ’til after dinner. We had a couple of margaritas. We came back to it and read the scenes some more. And then I cried. I buried my head in the couch and wept. R, in his sweet way, thought he had made me cry, but no. It was just my utter fear that was paralyzing me. I was reminded of my early days in Los Angeles, the miserable ones, where my life depended on one 3-line role on a show like Numb3rs. And because I only had 1 audition a month, if that, I would rest my worth on whether I got called back to say three lines. All that baggage came back and I was ready to cancel the audition.
And then R made me read it again. Thank God he wouldn’t let me quit. And then tonight, I worked with my new acting teacher (See? It’s like I knew this was coming or something). And now I’m ready, and actually excited about it. Because guess what I have now that I didn’t have 3 years ago? I have the knowledge that it doesn’t matter if I get the role, or whether the casting director thinks I’m a good actress. Because I have this whole other life to go back to the minute the audition is over. My life is not dependent on this single audition, role or casting director.
Thank God! ‘Cause that’s so much pressure…
So, tomorrow, at 12:30pm Pacific time, think of me, playing actor in my audition and having a damn good time doing it. For joy. For me.
Then, I will get in my car and go back to my real job.