I know that I am dreadfully behind when it comes to blogging and that it’s much more fun when there are photos and happy reports, but that’s not how this Friday feels.
Today I feel like a terrible Mother, it’s too hot for Fall and the main bathroom’s toilet is still running after getting fixed for the third time. Perhaps that toilet needs to be turned into this…
Pshaw.
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Two years ago today, under the roses, we chose each other as life partners…
Best choice ever.
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Dear Jack,
It is the morning of February 5, 2012 and you are 10 days old. We are sitting in the lobby of St. Joe’s hospital after you had your heel poked for your bilirubin test and we find ourselves needing to breast feed in public for the first time.
I pull out the cover to give us some privacy and you are exercising your lungs, the cries from which fill the echoey space. Once you latch there is instant quiet and I watch as you suckle urgently. From under the blanket I have a perfect view of you and your tiny body parts. I love them all and I find I must tell you so! I whisper to you softly…
I love your hair,
I love your ears,
I love your eyes,
I love your cheeks,
I love your chin,
I love your shoulders,
I love your knuckles,
I love your lips,
I love your nose,
I love your eyelashes,
I love your fingers,
I love your belly,
I love your toes…
And now Daddy is here and it’s time to go home.
Love,
Mom
Last month I joined a women’s group designed to help women explore their relationship to Motherhood. Each of my fellow group-mates had unique intentions upon joining the group and it was so healing and freeing and eye-opening to share in this exploration of motherhood with a small group of like-minded women!
While it might not make complete sense without having been there with me, I’ve decided to share what I wrote at our final session last night because I feel that it reflects my experience exactly…
Five weeks ago the intention was to feel out whether I had the desire to be a Mom right now — to discern between desire and fear, choice and pressure.
The beautiful discovery was of my wings — the wise winged knowledge that feels so real and tangible ever since the meditation of and about the all knowing self.
As the weeks went by, the wings got stronger and stronger, opening up self-trust, joyful self time and the clarity to feel the honest desire to mother a baby.
I’ve found confidence and comfort in knowing that my exquisite wings are firmly planted and have my back…
Thank you, Cecily and the wonderful women of Monday nights!
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there are many things floating around in my brain and i am sharing them as early stage ideas, not as decisions or plans. they are presented in no particular order…
idea uno: Apply here.
idea dos: Apply here.
idea tres: Move here.
so, that’s what’s been floating around in my brain, for what it’s worth.
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