In keeping with my goal to post as often as I can (wish the intention of getting more interesting, or something), I am listing here some random thoughts that went through my head today…

1) Ever since I gave up my coke habit (coca-cola, ok?, jeez) at the end of last year and became more of a social or emergency coke drinker, every time I sip any of that sugary goodness it reminds me of McDonald’s French Fries. Seriously, I can smell them in my coke drink or something. I find this to be a strange association. And yet not really.

2) Ever since I decided to add this here narcissistic little blog to my Facebook profile I have wondered at how many “silent visitors” might stop by. And then I hoped they wouldn’t be silent, but rather, let me know they were here in some way. Like by commenting. And this thought led me to…

3) Ever since I joined Facebook I have been amazed and curious as to how I could’ve disliked high school so much when I find that I really like all the people from high school that I have Facebook befriended. Perhaps my feeling about my high school experience is askew?

4) I love going to see plays. I saw two plays last week (*this one*!!! and this one…) and I hope to see another one this weekend. And I want to go to concerts. I want to get out, out, out and about. Doing. Seeing. Hearing. Watching. And this thought led me to…

5) I should call the headshot photographer that Amanda recommends, get some new photos and then arrive at my old agency’s door and humbly tell them that I’m back in action. This scares me a lot. So. I. Should. Do it.

6) When I read The Alchemist a couple of weeks ago, I didn’t realize how much it was effecting me until now. I am trying to notice the omens.

End of Teleport journey into my head on a Tuesday.

frustrated: the dirty, smelly carpet outside my front door. time for a letter to the HOA

exhilarated: earthquakes that makes everyone come out of their office for a minute

joyful: leaving work early on Tuesdays in order to “prepare for my acting class”

peaceful: marceau purring loudly by my side

After my vacation, my brother stayed with me for an extra day and a half. We don’t often get to spend a lot of quality time together where we are able to really talk without other people around. I can’t express how much I loved having him so close. We are friends, I am happy to say, and when we talk, I feel a closeness and understanding that I imagine only comes from sharing a mother. We don’t just talk, we, like, really talk, you know? We share a strong desire to cut through the b.s. and get to the heart of the matter. He is better at this than I am.
Continue reading separation →

You know when you’re completely and utterly, madly in love with someone who also drives you mad? And you want to ditch them, but you love them too, too much? Yes? You know this feeling?

Well, thankfully I do not have this experience with my boyfriend, but instead with something else.

I must speak very vaguely here since you never know who might decide to read this someday, but I am being driven mad very slowly…

I try very hard to breathe deeply and welcome each new day afresh, but by the time I’ve been with this ‘flea’ for a couple of hours I feel as though I just might pull each hair out of head one by one out of frustration.

I love my flea and I keep hoping everything will get better, but we’ve been together for awhile now, this flea and I, so a separation seems utterly impossible. And I’ve become quite co-dependent, too, which is always tricky.

So, now that breathing deeply isn’t working as well, what now? What now when it seems like there will never, ever be another flea again and certainly not one that “gets” me like this one does. The fear is that there might not be any flea better than the one I have right now and I am clinging to the hope that things will get better if I stick it out just a little bit longer.

Tell me, dear friends, how long is too long to live this way? Must I stick with my flea even though it bugs me?

*that pun is for erica