Dear Jack,

It has been my intention for several weeks now to write to you before you arrive in the flesh. I want to share with you my experience of being pregnant and my excitement in anticipation of your arrival.

Today, January 4, 2012, you have been a sweet passenger in my belly for almost 8 months, growing from the size of a sesame seed (when I first learned of your presence) to a cantaloupe (this week).

You are and have been an active, squirmy boy since the first time we saw you via ultrasound. I love feeling you move because I imagine that you’re telling me you’re happy and healthy. I could sit all day long watching and feeling you move and wiggle – it brings me such joy.

Your Dad likes to talk to you by pressing his mouth up next to my belly button “so you can hear him” and often says the same thing each time: “Hi, it’s your daddy, how ya doin’ in there?” or sometimes “Whatcha doin’ in there?” and when you respond to him with a tiny bump or kick he laughs with delight. You have a fabulous Dad, wait until you meet him – I think you’ll love him as much as I do.

Over the holiday season I spent time thinking of things I want to be sure you experience within our family. Here is a free-flow list of words that represent my vision for our family life as you develop and grow:

strong
OPEN
present
fun
love
nurture
teach.
listen
guide
create
protect without hindering
traditions
explore!
dance.
accepting
wonder
curious
conversation
sharing
family connection
play!
reflection
adventure
compassion
humor
activities
time
home
travel
simple pleasures
trust
hugs
adaptability
imagination
listening
honesty
humor
dance
openness
breathing
self-care
healthy habits
fun
love!
smiles
hugs
honesty
trust.
traditions
spirituality
books
knowledge
magic
acceptance
beautiful world
nature
adventure
hugging
involvement
presence
celebration!
soothing

You will probably notice that several words repeat and I suppose those are the words that resonate with me the most during this time before your birth. I want so much to allow you the space to become exactly who you are meant to be and provide you with a home in which to thrive as an individual. I am already proud of you and can’t wait to meet you.

A friend of mine who is a pre- and peri-natal psychologist, shared with me the notion that babies and Mamas choose one another; that the spirit of you, Jack-boy, chose me.

In a book called I Chose You To Be My Mommy, a 3 year old boy explains his pre-birth memory (translated by an adult from Japanese) and his Mother responds. Here is the quote:

It was dark inside Mommy’s tummy, but it was warm, and I was swimming.
I couldn’t wait to see Mommy.
When I was born it was too bright.
When it’s time to be born somebody will let you know, “Now you can go”.
I couldn’t wait for Mommy to hold me (in her arms), but I was in a glass box.
There were many kids in that country over there, and we were watching from up above, saying, “that mommy looks pretty and kind,” and things like that.
I made friends with some other boys, there were 3 of us.
We all thought it’d be nice to go to Mommy’s place, and I came to you Mommy. I picked you because you are kind.

The mom explains, from the time he started to talk until he was about 4 years old, he used to tell me this all the time. I was surprised because he couldn’t have known that he had been in an infant incubator for several hours after his birth. He often talked about 3 boys even before our younger son was born, and I really ended up having 3 sons.

I love this beautiful idea that you, my son, chose me to be your Mother and while I may never know why you chose me, I want you to know that it is my honor that you did so. I look forward to our adventures together. And so does your Daddy.

I anxiously await your arrival.
With love,
Mom
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