As I sit here resisting the fact that I must, indeed, go back to a full week of work today, I am calm in the fact that I have changed my tune.

I have worked for my company for 3 years and for 3 years it has been a “growing business”, forever going through growing pains. And I have many times been told to “hang in there” through these growing pains. Well, how long will these growing pains last, I ask?

At the end of last year (literally on December 28th) my work stress rose to the point of insanity. And I was sincerely ready to walk out of that corporate door and never go back. The disorganization I felt was crippling and the numerous attempts I was making to get what I needed to do my job were ignored once again. And I finally realized that it was out of my control.

For a number of hours I let this freak me out, venting into the ears of my loved ones, causing myself anxiety and back pain. Then, suddenly, I made the snap decision to turn off my stupid blackberry and enjoy my Saturday. And a calm slowly washed over me and I simply let go.

Over the new year I meditated on how I contribute to my own stress in these matters and that my perfectionism (the strong need to be the best, the most valuable, and the most perfect) is the root of everything I’ve been feeling. And I am now making a concerted effort to let it go.

This is very hard for me because it is an affliction with which I have lived forever, though only became truly aware of it as a problem in grad school. I had a teacher who told me that I “suffer from perfectionism”. And I remember thinking to myself, “Yeah, so?”. But I went home and got online to read about it and ordered a book called “Overcoming Perfectionism”. I read it but I didn’t think that my case was really that extreme. I wasn’t ready to let go of it yet. I just continued on the path of frustrating myself to the point of anxiety and stress over why I’m not the most successful, the most creative, the most innovative, the most capable, the most hip, the most, the most, the most.

But today, I am ready to overcome it. And today, I don’t need a book. (I ditched it during one of my many moves over the past years anyway).

I am going to work today with a brand new comfort in the fact that I am not responsible for certain things and I am going to revel in being out of control of certain situations. I can only ensure some things and I am on top of those.

Everything else is someone else’s problem. And if I am asked about these things, that’s what I will tell them. Politely, of course.

Because I am the most polite. *wink*