I realize that I promised to update on the various activities from the past two weekends, including Stephanie’s birthday party where I lost my driver’s license, Rhiannon’s wedding, the great Labor Day ceiling leak and Liz’s baby shower (she’s the best gift opener ever! and I heart Emily LePlastrier). But…

I am not in the mood.

I know, I’ve been a downer recently. Totally. I would like to try and write cheery posts with fun pictures and witty anecdotes, but the truth of the matter is…that isn’t authentic to me right now. It just turns out to be me trying to mimic other people’s blogs who I admire and adore very much.

So, here I am. Right as I am, right now.

I’m totally and utterly lost.

I remember having a mini-identity crisis at about, oh, twenty-two. Then again at twenty-seven. And now it’s happening again at thirty-one. What’s with this? Is this going to be an about-every-five-years occurrence? I really hope not ~ because it’s exhausting and boring is what it is.

I was recently looking through some photographs trying to find some frame-able photos from recent years to add to a collage frame; some photos from the last three years. And in looking back over some photos from two years ago to the month…I looked so much lighter, happier and *younger* then. Ok, I realize, I was under thirty then, but not that much. And yes, I was just about to fall in love, so I had ” that glow”. But no, that’s not it. I see a kind of satisfaction, a drive and meaningful passion in the face of that girl from two years ago and I look in the mirror and I wonder where she went. Where did all the hope go? Where did the positivity go? Where did the laughter go?

I want look in the mirror and recognize my face. I want to talk and say exactly what I mean. I want to smile effortlessly. I want to breathe more fully without fighting back tears. And I want to dance like nobody is watching.