I find that I have a really hard time telling the truth. This is not to say that I am a liar. Because I’m not. In fact, I’m a pretty crappy liar–you can see it in my eyes and I may even cry–but I have the most awful time speaking the truth.

Here’s an example. Twice over the past week I’ve been offered a promotion at work. Yahoo! You might think. But for some reason, each time I would hear myself accept the job I would feel a well of emotion rise into my chest. At first I thought it was because I was afraid of the commitment to a “title”, or the fear of the unknown responsibility, or the knowledge that I would be thrown into chaos, but when I examined it further, it turns out that I simply don’t want the job. I don’t work at my job because I want to organize an unorganized office. I work at my job because I believe in what we offer; what we teach. But it was the hardest damn thing for me to tell myself that I didn’t want the promotion. I couldn’t simply state the truth as I know it to be. “My heart is in teaching and not administration, but thank you for the offer and I appreciate your confidence in me.” It would have been that simple..because that is the truth.

I’m like a jungle cat. You can put me in a zoo (or in my case, an office) and I may seem to be tame (an office junkie), but the truth is, I’m wild and I have to follow my heart.